How Others See You

Think of your Resolute personality as just one part of a spectrum of personality traits. At one end of that spectrum is you, the Resolute type, and at the other end is the Giving personality. Across the middle are those with varying levels of rigidity and helpful attributes.

Where others sit on that spectrum goes a long way in determining how they will engage with you – at work, on the home front, everywhere (and that’s assuming they’ll engage at all).

With that said, here are just some of the ways your Fans (often those who share some of your Resolute qualities) and Critics (often those who are more Giving in nature) might interpret your personality.*

The Resolute Personality @Work

Tough-minded, direct and brutally honest, Resolute types like you often help cut through the b.s. that so often permeates the work place (b.s. caused in large part by lots of mismatched personalities that struggle to work well together).

As someone who may enjoy playing devil’s advocate – especially on topics you care about – you’re the one who will play the critical role of keeping the larger group from lapsing into group think.

You generally don’t feel the need to dance around sensitive topics – after all, there’s a job to be done and it’s professional not personal. Those who can’t stand the heat should get out of the kitchen (or at least pick a job better suited to their disposition).

Your more confrontation-averse, harmonious-minded colleagues may at times not agree with you, but they also may be too nervous to tell you.

But while your mindset of my way or the highway may suit you just fine, it also can lead to hurt feelings, dysfunction, low morale, and turnover – not to mention career challenges of your own.

Mark is a hard-charging, goals-focused engineering manager with a reputation for being ‘brutally honest’ with his peers and subordinates – sometimes more brutal than is warranted.

A gifted engineer, Mark nevertheless struggles to get many of his ideas into development. He suspects he’s being criticized behind closed doors but can’t prove it because nobody will engage him on the subject.

An ambitious new project is up for grabs and although Mark clearly has the skills to get it done, senior management is concerned it will be difficult to build a team around him. Instead they’re leaning toward a more amiable, though less accomplished engineering colleague to lead the team.

Mark argues that there’s less risk and liability if he runs the show, because he knows precisely what needs to be done. Furthermore, he’s not the kind of manager to let the team fail.

While a few members of the senior management team agree with Mark, they ultimately choose the engineer with softer, people-friendly skills.

Their rationale: while the more likable engineer may require a bit more time to get the project across the finish line, the company also avoids the far costlier risks of employee morale and even turnover under Mark’s leadership.

The Resolute Personality @Life

Our digitally connected world has given voice to people who were once shut out of cultural conversations; has opened doors to talents who previously lacked access to opportunities; and expanded our reach into dating pools once confined to geographical proximity.

All of which has resulted in an explosive growth in the opportunity for a broad array of personalities to quickly and easily find themselves mixing and mingling at work, as neighbors, and at the altar.

Today, companies and schools are almost always a rich admixture of people from all corners of the world; mixed-race and same-sex homes are increasingly commonplace; and virtually unlimited mobility has emancipated countless people from relationships (corporate and personal) that no longer work for them.

This, in turn, has made it increasingly difficult for Resolute, irascible types to dig in their heels and demand that people bend to their will. There’s simply too much diversity of humanity and opportunity to be found elsewhere.

This means Resolute personalities must, in fact, learn to compromise if they’re to remain relevant and connected. Who can they learn from? Giving people who are especially effective in their personal and professional relationships.  

Todd was decidedly different from the soft, wishy-washy types of men Mary had previously dated. Coming from an erratic, unstable childhood, she was weary of the Peter Pan types who never seemed to grow up. She wanted a rock, someone who knew who he was, where he was going, and whose word was his bond.

A decisive, straight-talking military officer, Todd fit the bill perfectly. His direct, Resolute approach to life had served him well. With two tours of combat under his belt, he’d seen the worst of humanity and survived – even excelled. His men respected – and feared him – and that was how Todd wanted it.

And for a time, that was how Mary liked it too. There were no questions about Todd – what you saw was what you got. He did not shy away from uncomfortable subjects and never kept his feelings hidden.

Over time, however, Mary began to chafe at some of the same traits she’d previously admired in Todd. His Resolute nature was just that – resolute – and that included activities and people that were important to her. At times Todd also could be aloof and belittling, treating her as if she was an enemy combatant.

For Mary, the final straw came when a bicycling friend was severely injured after being struck by a car. Eager to lean on Todd for strength and support, Mary instead got the response: “Riding a bike with so many cars on the road is just asking for it. That’s not exactly survival of the fittest thinking.”

Todd could not believe it when Mary announced she was leaving. She had always conceded to his will in the past and as a result he’d mistaken her soft exterior for an absence of inner resolve.

But although she was less vocal and rigid in defending her beliefs, Mary was nevertheless a fiery advocate for treating people the way she wished to be treated. Kindness, compassion, and empathy were, to her way of thinking, the hallmarks of strong, healthy relationships. And while she was willing to do the work to understand, sympathize with, and even make allowances for Todd, it was clear he lacked either the ability or willingness to do the same for her.