Why Do So Many

Lack Self-Awareness?

Why Do So Many

Lack Self-Awareness?

Why do others often know us better than we know ourselves? Why do so many find themselves trapped in the same ill-suited jobs or relationships? In short, why do so many struggle so mightily in life?

These are logical questions given that the one individual each of us should know best is the one each of us calls ‘me.’ Yet research demonstrates that while most of us believe we know ourselves well, most in fact do not. It turns out, self-awareness is a tricky business. Here are some of the major reasons behind our lack of self-awareness.

Why do others often know us better than we know ourselves? Why do so many find themselves trapped in the same ill-suited jobs or relationships? In short, why do so many struggle so mightily in life?

These are logical questions given that the one individual each of us should know best is the one each of us calls ‘me.’ Yet research demonstrates that while most of us believe we know ourselves well, most in fact do not. It turns out, self-awareness is a tricky business. Here are some of the major reasons behind our lack of self-awareness.

Early Life Programming

From the moment we exit the womb parents, teachers, peers, culture, etc., set upon us in an earnest attempt to groom us in their versions of ‘reality.’ By the time we reach neurological adulthood (roughly 25 years of age), we have been so heavily engineered that the object of all that programming is a stranger to itself.

Fear of the Unknown

Faced with the prospect of being isolated, mortal beings in a seemingly hostile world, we spend our adult years reinforcing those early-life lessons and gravitating toward people who think and behave like us. This form of tribalism is understandable, but also locks us into that early-life programming. Looking at ourselves honestly and openly can be frightening because it risks calling into question the very core of who we imagine ourselves to be.

Experience and Authority

Research shows that the greater our levels of experience and authority, the more we are likely to struggle with self-awareness. Picture parents with children or, later in life, bosses with subordinates. Our experience can lead either to a false sense of confidence or insecurity in our abilities, both of which cloud our self-awareness. Similarly, power lends itself to overconfidence in our abilities.

Old-Fashioned Laziness

Laziness is fundamental to being human. Research shows that we are hardwired to avoid unnecessary exertion and to conserve energy, no doubt tied to our long-ago ancestors’ endless search for food, shelter, safety (laziness has also been called the mother of innovation for that same reason). Not surprisingly, self-exploration is generally left to the sufferers – those for whom life isn’t working out and they’ve exhausted all the external palliatives.

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