How Others See You

Think of your Fluid personality as having no strong preferences on ‘how to be’ – independent of a specific situation. For example, you may go to a company happy hour and feel a deep connection to those around you and, as a result, be exceedingly enthusiastic and energetic. Or, the vibe may feel ‘off’ to you and, as a result, you dive deep within yourself for a quiet, reserved evening. You will likely behave precisely how the situation dictates.

Asked to predict how you’ll react in a loosely described situation, you’ll probably answer: I’m not sure. You need more information. And that’s the best possible answer coming from a Fluid personality type. Because it’s honest and accurate. You literally don’t know and won’t know until the situation arises, and the specifics become more clear.

A good way to picture a Fluid personality is with the following metaphor.

Imagine you are driving down the road and you see a woman attempting to fix a flat tire. As a kind-hearted type, you stop to help. Now imagine the stranded motorist is a man. You keep on driving.

But wait, you say, that could apply to anyone. Correct! And this is where that contextual-driven Fluid personality differs.

Because it’s entirely possible that, unlike others, you might actually stop for the stranded man but keep driving for the woman. And you might stop for a stranded man one day, but not the next. Why? Context and the unique inner workings that drive your personality. One day you’re more rushed. Or one day the person might appear more distressed. Or the weather might be more of a critical consideration in that moment. Bottom line, it depends. That IS your preference.

Normally this next section would include a lengthier list of how your Fans and Critics might describe your unique personality (Fans being those who are apt to share your Fluid tendencies and Critics being those who don’t).

But precisely because you don’t score beyond the midrange on any of the dominant five personality traits, it’s pretty darned difficult to categorize how people see you – their perspective will ‘depend’ as much as your own personality. In other words, if you’re especially Accommodating in one instance but Uncompromising in another, those around you may be ‘fans’ in one context and ‘critics’ in another.

With all that said, there are a few characterizations that can be classified even for your Fluid personality.

The Fluid Personality @Work

It has been said that the most powerful person in a room is often the quietest, because while everyone else is talking the quiet one is observing, listening, and learning. In these moments, you likely recognize the situation and adapt by finding the right time to speak, or making your thoughts known if the moment doesn’t arrive.

You don’t simply speak to be heard or remain quiet because it’s the Zen thing to do. Depending on the nature of the conversation, the people engaged in that conversation, and perhaps even whether you’re hungry and want the meeting to end so you can grab lunch, you really don’t have a strong preference until the time/instinct/impulse rises to speak, or not.

This is one of the reasons your Fluid, adaptable personality is prized by many – you have the tendency to shift gears when needed.

On the other hand, it can also make you something of a mystery to others. Your flexibility can make it difficult for someone to read the room, for example. It can also leave others – including management types – wondering whether you’re listening, engaged, or even care.

John is a highly regarded team leader known for getting his job done on time with a minimum of fuss and zero customer complaints. Internally, his flexible, seemingly easy-going-manner has made him a popular, if somewhat enigmatic figure.

John’s team has been assigned a high-profile project that will require a true team effort involving a lot of different disciplines and the disparate personalities that go with it. As a team leader, John’s practice of ‘finding the sweet spot’ with things and knowing when to go hands-on and when to sit back and let others figure it out has made him a particularly popular team leader.

But it’s also left his manager on the fence about John’s true personality and capabilities. Asked by the executive team whether John is a candidate for an upcoming promotion, his manager can only answer, “I’m not sure.” Why? Because when it comes to John, he’s never really certain who he’s going to get.

As the project proceeds, John once again seems to be managing things smoothly. But there are also whispers of some dissension within the ranks. Specifically, word leaks out that on a number of instances John has reacted one way to a specific development, then an entirely different way – but with the same team members and developments. There is growing confusion over John’s expectations. Worse, John’s answers do not help clarify things.

Asked by his manager to explain the difference in John’s approach to essentially the same issues, John gave an almost imperceptible shrug and offered up a rationale that, again, did not clear the air.

As a result, John’s manager was unable to forward his name as a candidate for promotion. In his estimation, the people John would be managing would struggle too much in understand what John wanted, leaving them in an untenable position to do their jobs the right way. Some even questioned whether he had ‘a strong enough personality’ and whether this was a sign of a lack of integrity.

The Fluid Personality @Life

Fluid personalities can be attractive to others because they are so seemingly even-keeled and calm. Where others are busy riding life’s highs and lows, the Fluid person is more or less chugging along without the drama.

If a date has strong feelings toward something – say, which movie to watch or at which restaurant to dine – as a Fluid personality you’re apt to go along with pretty much anything. For obvious reasons, this can be an extremely attractive quality.

But there’s a downside as well. Because over time others will in fact want your feedback, your ideas, your passions. It can be draining always being the one carrying the ball, coming up with the ideas and inspirations for keeping the relationship moving forward.

If the relationship truly matters to you, at some point you’ll need to dive deep within yourself and stoke those embers so that some ideas and feelings are experienced. Without them, it will be difficult for others to remain meaningfully connected to you over the long haul.

Rebecca is a married mother of two with a reputation for being exceedingly calm and level-headed despite the predicaments her twin 8-year-old boys invariably find themselves in. This makes her a comforting if distant presence in the home.

The same cannot be said for her relationship with her husband, Robert, which has been deteriorating over the previous year in large part because of his complaints about Rebecca’s casual attitude about things.

While initially attracted to Rebecca’s even-keeled personality, particularly because of his own anxiety-producing childhood, in recent months Robert has grown increasingly irritated with his wife’s casual attitude toward life. Regardless of whether he’s asking what to have for dinner or whether or not they should vacation in the Maldives, Rebecca invariably shrugs her shoulders or kicks the question back to him: “What do you want?”

At one such point Robert blurts out, “What I want is for you to want something! To feel some passion for something. To have a ‘strongly held opinion.'”

This is a central challenge facing Fluid personality types. While they’re fully capable of easily adapting to even the most volatile situations, that same approach to every day life can leave others questioning who they really are or what, if anything, might light a fire in them. Or, sometimes something does light a fire, but that same thing doesn’t light the fire in the same way the next day.